Hearing His Whisper

This blog is incredibly hard for me to write, and I will have to take a big gulp as I swallow my pride to do so. I have been here for almost a month and have seen so many incredible things that I feel the Lord has completely directed me to see. I came here following His calling and taking a strong step of faith and trusting in His plan for me. I made my own plans to be here for an extended period of time, but I feel that now the Lord has stepped in and shown me His plan. Because of this, I will be leaving Uganda this week. It is hard for me to say that because I love this place so much and for so long I felt the Lord calling me here. I think I listened more to my desires to be here than I listened to God’s plan for me. I do feel as though He called me here and that this is a part of His plan and His timing, but I think that He is calling me to take what I have learned here and return home and help spread His name and all that He is doing with the children here. 

This is something that I have been struggling a lot with since being here and trying to find His calming peace amongst my struggles. I have prayed so much about this and trying to discern whether it was God calling me home, or if it was my desire to go home. For the first time last week I finally felt a peace about not being at peace, because I could clearly hear the gentle whisper of the Lord in the middle of all of my anxious, loud thoughts. I feel that the Lord has blessed me with other gifts and talents and that by me faithfully following His call I can use those talents to better serve Him. We are to act in faith and in works- I am faithfully following His guidance (even though it’s hard) so that I can work for His glory.

The hardest part about this is accepting that I will not be here for as long as I thought I would and the fear of letting other people down. I have gone through this so much in my head. What will people think of me? Will they consider me a failure? Will they think it was too hard for me? Truthfully, if this was just “hard” but I felt at peace that God wanted me to be here, then I fully believe He would give me the strength to persevere. But that’s not the issue. Yes, it’s hard, but I feel that the Lord has different plans for me in order to serve Him better. Although these plans may be different than what I expected them to be, I am trusting in Him. At the end of this life, Jesus will be the one I face. I would rather choose to follow His plan for me and where I feel He is guiding me, at the expense of criticism from people, than choose to ignore what He is telling me to do out of fear of what others will think of me.

I love this place and Africa will always be dear to my heart. I fully believe that in time I will come back here with a mission team and will continue to do so throughout my life. There is so much good here and it is so incredible to see what all God is doing with His people in Uganda. God is moving in this city and I am blessed that he allowed me to see a glimpse of it. I am excited to see how I will serve Him and what He has planned for me and for my life. I ask that you pray for me during this time. I need prayers of peace about this decision and that I will be used in whatever way He is calling me to best serve Him, glorify Him, and make His kingdom known. I am so thankful for the prayers and the support from all of you. I have truly felt it while leading up to this adventure and since the moment I arrived in Uganda. The Lord has blessed me with incredible friends and family members and for that I will always be grateful. If you have any questions about what led me to this decision or how I feel the Lord is moving in my life, please do not hesitate to e-mail me! I would love to share with you. Thank you again for taking an interest in what God is doing in my life! I will continue to update my blog while back home about all God is doing in lives of these children and through Sozo Children International.